Coming out to your child - telling your child you're gay

Parenting is often a difficult but rewarding job, this is one of those difficult times. So let's break it down into manageable sections. First you're gay, do your children know anything about the LGBT community? What knowledge do they have about relationships in general? How old are they and what level of understanding do you think they have or need? I made the decision to come out to me daughter when she was seven, we had a relationship based on honesty and communication and I wanted to improve this. How could I improve our honesty if I wasn't truthful and open with her on such a big issue? She had met friends I had within the LGBT community and attended local pride celebrations since her birth so she had some awareness, however basic, of this area. Despite this we had never actually talked about it or my place within that community. To help you make that decision first consider the pros and cons.

Honesty it would be wrong to expect honesty from your child if you do not lead by example. They can then understand that even when the truth isn't easy it can be shared with those you love and trust.

Trust by discussing the difficult topic of sexuality with your child they will feel that you have trusted them. This will increase the chance of your child approaching you on a difficult subject if they want help, advice or acceptance in the future.

Pride you have the special opportunity to share a positive view of the LGBT community, there are many many negative views in the world and your child will be faced with them. So help your child build pride in the fact that you face these adversities and don't deny who you are.

First if you have a partner make sure that they are on the same page, you need to be in agreement of what will be said and answers to questions you may be asked. Depending on how much you child already knows about gay people you may want to spend a few weeks or months preparing them. For instance if there is something on the tv such as a gay couple explain how you feel, be sure to mention how they love each other. After the preparations make sure you have plenty of time and that you are in safe place away from prying ears. I sat with my daughter in our home one evening when I knew she had no other things to be at the next day and we could talk as long as she needed to. Make certain to mention love again as it is important that they see this as two people loving each other and that that is the most important part of any relationship whether heterosexual or homosexual. As I mentioned earlier, let them know that you still love them and nothing changes. You do not have to cover anything regarding the dreaded 'the how babies are made' conversation unless the child asks, then use age appropriate answers. Tell your child you will accept and love them for who they are and who they become. 

Questions will probably come up for months to follow, answer honestly. Respect your child's decision to tell or not tell other people. I made a few mistakes in the initial talk that had to be put right. Firstly when I explained that I would love her know matter what her decisions I hadn't clarified what i meant by this. It didn't seem to bother her too much until she got to noticing boys and I joked with her about a boy in her class, she laughed with me then very seriously asked how upset I would be if she wanted to marry a boy not a girl. I was shocked as I hadn't known this was an issue she had, I realised that as she got older that is something I should have continued to reinforce, she does not have to be like me, she is who she is. Another problem I had was with me, i wanted to believe that I would tell her, she'd adjust and we'd live happily ever after somehow I convinced myself this would all happen in a few weeks! I soon found that wasn't the case, the next pride we got ready to go as usual but she couldn't wait to get away. I'll admit I was offended however silly that may seem it's an event that was important to me and I wanted her support and approval, she of course needed more time and a few later apologised and tried to explain that she just wasn't ready to face the world with it, I apologised too. It takes time, but she is now so accepting of not only me but others around her no matter what prejudices they face she has become a very accepting child.

So be patient and good luck, share your experiences and fears below.